ready to slow down….

So Christmas is over, Kinsy’s birthday party was today, her actual birthday is tomorrow. It is hard to believe my baby girl will be 3 yrs old tomorrow! Christmas was great, Santa spoiled us all. We got to talk to almost all of our family in the states. I didn’t get to talk to my brothers on Christmas Day, but I did Skype with them the day before so that is ok. I got my circut for Christmas, YAY!! I can not wait to get some scrap booking stuff so I can get on the move making stuff! After all of the Christmas excitement, making dinner for my family then cleaning that up, putting kids to bed, I decided it was time to attempt to make Kinsy’s birthday cake. This year she wanted a Spongebob party… I was up to 11:30 last night decorating her cake. But the final outcome looked pretty good! Here is what it looked like:

I think I did a pretty good job! Go mommy! We had her party today and it went great.

Now I just don’t know how I feel though. It is over. Time for things to quiet  back down. A few more days and 2010, the chaotic year it has been, will be over. But that means that it will be 2011, and for the majority of that year I will be alone with my kids in a foreign country. I keep putting on a brave face. I am making big plans for the year. Even though the closer it gets the faster my heart starts to beat and the less sleep I am  getting at night. I feel myself getting snappy. I know I am snapping at Branden and Kinsy, heck I find myself getting short with Jack. Baby Jack who is not quite 6 months!! The other day I was convinced that I really did not like Jack much, I was also going on maybe 2 hours of sleep and I was not feeling well. We have all been sick, which really does not help during the holiday stress. Poor Jack is sooo congested he keeps choking on mucus. It has been 2 weeks and I think when the clinic opens tomorrow I will be taking him in and begging for them to give him something. I worry all night long about him choking and quitting breathing. I have read so many things on baby center boards this last few weeks about babies dying and becoming fatally ill. ( I know, I know, I need to quit reading those.). It just makes you realize that life is precious and you just never know when your last day with someone will be your last day. I have been worrying about that with Jack at night more and more it seems. I wake up all night to check to make sure he is breathing, I have even moved him into our bed so I can be next to him. Is it possible to get post pardem anxiety so late after having him? I don’t know, maybe I am just turning the anxiety of Branden leaving over to someone/something else.. like Jack. I hate to talk to Branden about this or the rest of my family for that matter, they all say I am a hypochondriac. So when I am truly dealing with something none of them believe me and they blow me off. Almost to the point of making fun of me. I did have post pardem depression right after Jack, and was put on medicine, but I stopped that right after I got here. I thought being in Germany would make it stop. Maybe I was wrong. I think I will call and make an appointment for me also this week to go talk to someone.

This post has really turned more into a vent of some sorts.. maybe I should just delete it. Naw… I think I will post, all jumbled up and all. This is really how I am feeling at this moment.

I hope everyone had a great holiday with their families. Take your loved ones and hold them tight tonight.

Published in: on December 26, 2010 at 7:04 pm  Comments (1)  

’tis the season to be ….. busy!

I have totally been slacking on this blog! And my 30 day project might take more like 60, possibly even 90 days! I do have good reasons though… the holidays and spending time with my family. The idea of this deployment is becoming so much more real. I am realizing that we have a very short time left together… and so much I want to do! Then add the holidays and all the wonderful celebrations on top! Well lets just say we have been BUSY! This week has been fabulous though!

We saw Santa! Kinsy was all about seeing Santa, I was having a hard time getting her to stand in line. Then came her turn to sit on his lap and she freaked out! She started screaming and trying to run away! She would not go up there unless I went with her. As you can tell Jack could not have cared less… he was just happy to be held by anyone as usual!

Kinsy sang karaoke at the Bravo Co. Christmas party! She just walked up and grabbed the microphone and started singing! Of course she did not know the words to the song so she just said “I sing” over and over to the beat of the music. It was the cutest thing ever and I am so upset I could not get my camera switched over to video to get it! 😦 The more people clapped at her the more excited so got about being up there!

Then the big night of the week – The Battalion Ball – a night of a babysitter and Branden and I getting to dress up and go out ALONE! I was very excited for this night for a few reasons… we have not had a night out together without kids since… well I don’t know when. Before Jack I think. Probably before I was even pregnant with Jack! I have never been to an Army ball before! And the biggest reason… I got to dress up with my husband. I got to get my hair done and wear a fancy dress and heels. We have never dressed up before! Even when we got married.. we eloped in Vegas and got married in jeans and boots! It was so much fun, even if we did have to leave early because the babysitter called saying that Jack had been crying for 45 minutes (he missed his momma). Here are a few pictures of the night…

 So you see I do have a good reason for the neglect! Fortunately for me the next assignment was to post more pics of friends… so I guess I have also done assignment #11. I can not promise that I will not stay away so long .. at least not until after the holidays! I will promise though that as great things keep happening I will keep writing about them!

Published in: on December 10, 2010 at 9:59 pm  Comments (1)  


This assignment is supposed to be songs you listen to when you are mad/sad/hyper/bored. Honestly though… I really do not have anything specific I listen to for any certain mood. I have certain things that I like that few others do. When no one else is around I may have a Bob Marley day, maybe it will be Beach Boys. Or maybe it could even be Lynyrd Skynyrd or Cat Stevens.  And some days I like Tantric or Social Distortion or maybe Nickleback. But for the most part, I just like to listen to country… that is always my go to music.. no matter what my mood. That is one of the worst things about being here in Germany…. I just like to listen to the radio.. I like the variety. But there is not any country stations here. The best I can do is get on the computer and play a yahoo station.

Kind of off the subject…. but the music led me to this…. I am really enjoying Germany. I just wish that things were more convenient. I miss being able to get whatever I want whenever I want it. I miss being able to just run to a store and know that everything I want to get is there for me. I miss the security of being in the states. You do not think about this stuff much until it is not there anymore. I really am missing my family and I wish it was easier to see them.  Ha ha and I really could go for Sonic or Wendy’s! 🙂 Ok… enough crying the blues. I am only here three years… that is not that long!

Had to stop in the middle to put babies to sleep. So I am just going to end this now since I have gotten off track!

Published in: on December 6, 2010 at 9:03 pm  Leave a Comment  


So assignment #9 is something I am proud of the last few days….. I am proud that I got the majority of my Christmas shopping done and that I have almost all of my boxes unpacked! I am proud that I was able to do a successful time out with Kinsy today since we now have a timer! I am proud of the bond that is developing between my two kids. I love to watch them interact together and I love the way that now that Jack can reach out, he grabs his sister and tries to play with her! I am proud that Branden and I got to spend a whole day with just us, no kids! I am proud that even though my house was a disaster, I invited people over and had margaritas and played wii and had a great time! That is all I can think of the last few days!

So on a completely different note… I just read a story about a baby Jack’s age that started running a fever one night and the next day it was higher and he was seizing and having strokes. He is now in a hospital, completely sedated, blind and deaf now and they are not sure what other complications. He is on breathing tubes and they are thinking that he may just pass away if taken off of machines. I can’t even imagine what that mother is going through. The pain in her heart and the emptiness and loneliness she must be feeling. As soon as I read it I started crying, I was rocking Jack and I was suddenly not wanting to go put him in his bed. I said a prayer for that mom and dad and the rest of the family as well as the baby. I don’t pray very often I will admit, but tonight, out loud.. I prayed for them. I prayed for the strength for them to make the right decisions for that baby and for God to be there for them. I wish I could just give that mom a hug. I can’t do anything else, but let her know that someone else is hurting for her. Just a reminder that life is precious… our babies are precious and in an instant…. things can change. Love ones can be gone. That is how it was with my mom and I think that every so often, God puts that reminder out there again. Cherish the moments with your families this holiday… some people are not getting that chance….

Published in: on December 5, 2010 at 10:35 pm  Leave a Comment  

busy, busy, busy!

Wow, November 19th was my last post!!  Almost two weeks has gone by and boy has it been a doozy. Since my last post – Kinsy started toddler preschool two days a week, on her very first day within the first hour she managed to get two of her fingers slammed into a bathroom door and cut open on the underside and bruised on the top. But my girl is a trooper and she stuck out the first day! Branden has had CQ (which is a 24 hour duty) not once, but twice and will have it yet again this weekend when I wanted to go christmas shopping, poop on the Army! We woke up to snow on Thanksgiving morning and it has not gone away yet, we just keep getting more!  I got to experience what a German Hospital ER is like. Which is a completely odd experience and could take up a whole blog on its own. Let’s just say I am fine and I found out that getting blood taken from your ear has to be the weirdest experience yet at a hospital! We met new friends at a fabulous Thanksgiving dinner. MY HOUSEHOLD GOODS GOT DELIVERED!!!!! and boxes are still ruling my house. It is getting put away slowly and surely, but we went from a 3 bedroom house with a two car garage, to a 2 bedroom apartment in Germany (read no closets) with a “cage space” in the basement! Also add one more person to the household! I am doing my best to find “homes” for all of my things, but I will admit there has been some cramming in top shelves of our crazy closets! lol The hard part is all the boxes in my living room, mostly are decorative stuff and I feel I can’t put that up until all the necessary stuff is away. So as of right now I am walking around a lot of boxes! But I got off track…. back to our craziness. Then came a weekend of unpacking boxes and keeping a watchful eye on Kinsy and Jack as they were coming down with what I thought was colds. Monday comes along and WHAM… now we have a sick Mommy, a hacking cough on Kinsy and a baby Jack who woke up at noon and would not quit crying unless he fell asleep and as soon as he woke he was back at it! Luckily Branden asked to come home and the Army was nice and granted him permission. He took Jack to the doctor and found out my poor boy had a double ear infection :(. We nursed him along all that night and all Tuesday.. he had a well check today that I did not want him to miss since he is already behind on his shots. There is just something about being in a foreign country and him not being completely immunized that makes me very, very nervous. Also when Kinsy went to her school on Tuesday they informed me she had to have her flu shot by today or they could refuse her care! So off to the doctor again today, Jack a well check which he did fantastic! Weighing in at 15# 1oz. and getting 2 shots today. And my big brave girl did so good when I told her she was getting shots. Agreeing that she will be brave and big. Agreeing she will go first to show brother how to be brave. All until the point she saw them put the needles on the injections. Then her hands clamped down on her thighs and the crying began. All day I have heard about her owies, watched her walk funny.  Every time she goes to the potty she has to sit and stare at her band aids. She has had 2 doses of motrin for low-grade fevers and “owies”. Even as she is sleeping she is talking and crying out tonight, I think my girl might also be an excellent actress or drama queen! 😉 Poor Jack, he did great with the shots, barely cried and then went to sleep in the car seat. But then tonight it hit him, we have fevers and crankiness. Plus throw in the ears and oh yeah… let’s have the baby teeth at the same time! Poor guy must feel like he is in a torture chamber. Needless to say… NO unpacking got done today! I spent the day cuddled on the couch with my babies, watching whatever movies Kinsy wanted. Even if we did have to watch the Mickey Mouse Christmas twice in a row. Today was a day to love on them and give them the attention and affection that they needed and deserve.

Now my house is quiet. Both of my babies are asleep. Branden has gone to bed so he can be up early for PT. I actually was off to bed, all the lights are off and bottles are made, then I decided to blog. When I left off on the 19th it was lesson #8… short-term goals for this month. Well today is Dec. 1…. so here are my short-term goals for the month! 1.) Get EVERYTHING unpacked and put away. 2.) Spend as much time together as a family and also try to find some time with just Branden and I. 3.)lots of pictures of the kids with their daddy this Christmas. It will be Jack’s first and Daddy will be gone next yr for Christmas. 4.) Hopefully within the next week have ALL of my Christmas shopping done. 5.) remember to call My Dad, brother, father in law and sister-in-law on their birthdays this month. 6.) Get all my Christmas stuff put up hopefully in a week and have it all down by the 26th so we can celebrate Kinsy’s birthday on the 27th. 7.) Make this birthday for Kinsy a memorable one. She has her Daddy, brother and myself. We haven’t made many friends here, but I am hoping the few we have made will be able to come over for cake and ice cream and maybe a few party games! We have talked about maybe even taking her and a couple of her little friends bowling for her birthday. I really want to get her a fish tank for her present. But it just is not as easy as in the states, I am still trying to find where I can buy fish!…..  I think that about covers the goals for the month! I am gonna be one busy momma! So if I am not on here as much, you know why, and if I can’t get back on before Christmas (I hope I will be able to!) — HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!! XOXOXOXOXO

Published in: on December 1, 2010 at 10:38 pm  Leave a Comment