heartache…

Every day I wake up and my first thought of the day is Branden and praying for his safety and every night my last thought is the same. Some days during this deployment I feel like I am on top of this, that I have this deployment completely under control. Other days, I feel like throwing a middle finger up and saying “F*** you deployment, you win!”. For the most part, we just stick to our routine and make it through one day at a time. But occasionally I have those days or those moments, where missing him is an actual pain. Not just a passing thought or a wish you were here moment, but an actual hurt. There are times that my chest feels tight, my heart actually feels like it is aching. I never know what is gonna bring on that pain. It may be the kids doing something super cute that I suddenly realize he is missing or like today…. Memorial Day….. a day of constant reminders of my soldier and the sacrifices he is making. I love my soldier and I am proud of him and the sacrifices he makes. Some days though I just wish for a normal life. We had that once, we were able to always be together and BBQ on weekends and hang out with our friends and see our families. But then we never had that sense of pride that we have now. We would have never been able to live in Europe. We wouldn’t be able to have a true hero in our lives. As hard as this life is, I don’t want to change it. I think this is what he was meant to do. I think being an Army wife is what I was meant to do. I think that my children will be strong enough to handle this life and the separations from their dad. So on this day… I just want to say thank you. Thank you to my husband, my brother, my uncles that served and grandfathers that served. Also thank you to all the men and women that are currently serving. The biggest thank you goes to the men and women that gave their lives for our freedoms and their families for being strong enough to stand behind them and be left behind. On this Memorial Day, even though my heart is aching from missing him so much, I will remember you all and pray for the safety of the ones serving and for peace for the families of the heroes left behind. Happy Memorial Day. And Branden Payne, I love you, I will always love you, you hold the key to my heart now and forever. I will always be home waiting for the day that we get to see you again!

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Published in: on May 30, 2011 at 7:24 pm  Leave a Comment  

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