babies, babies everywhere I look, except at home!

So I am currently getting things together for Jack’s first birthday party. Yes, you read that right, his first birthday party! My baby boy is going to be one year old, my last baby. I am not sure how I feel about this to be completely honest. I love that he is starting to talk and express himself. I love the personality that is coming out, he is such a little flirt and gonna be a charmer! I love that he is starting to walk. All of these things he is doing, I love, I know they are his “big boy” milestones. But the actual birthday party, him being one, I am not sure I am handling that well. I had all these big plans for his first birthday. All the things I was going to order, decorations, games, banners, etc – but I kept putting it off. Suddenly the other day it occurred to me that I have 3 weeks. Less than one month to plan this! I can forget ordering stuff now, it will never make it here in time! I am also going to make his birthday invitations on my own. I finally went today and got all the stuff I will need to make them. Last night I sat up until 11 pm designing them and trying them out with scrap paper. Now all I have left for the decorations is to take the “perfect” picture to put on them. I am enlisting the help of my friend Kylie for this. She takes fabulous pics and I really want one of Jack in his cowboy hat, so I think it will take me putting it on him and distracting him so he will leave it there and then Kylie to take the pic! I also got the table-cloth and the plastic plates today. On Monday I will meet with the lady that is going to make his cake to go over some designs. I am going to go with a cowboy themed birthday for his first birthday. I really hope this turns out like I am imaging it. I just really wish that Branden could be here to celebrate with us, as well as the rest of our family. This will be the first time we have had to celebrate some kind of major event all on our own. Thankfully I have plenty of friends to help us celebrate! Another thing that finally occurred to me tonight as I was sitting here going over my list for Jack’s birthday, I have to buy him a birthday gift!!! To be honest, I have NO IDEA what to get him! Our options here are so limited and I always seem to buy little things for the kids when we are out anyways. So what can I possibly get Jack?? He has enough clothes, I just bought him new shoes. We have no yard for big boy toys. I want his first birthday gift from Mommy and Daddy and sissy to be something good, but I have no idea what!! I guess I will be looking at tonight and hoping I can find something and get it shipped here in time!

Another little fact that my husband will probably wring my neck for, if he were to ever read this! lol – I have been noticing brand new babies everywhere I go.  I swear, everyone and their sister must be having babies right now! They are so cute and they are so tiny! I find myself in public places just sitting and staring at these brand new babies and just wanting to snuggle them. I hear a newborn cry and I get all mushy inside. I really do NOT want another baby. I am happy with my little family the way it is, I swear. But these new babies are just making me all mushy inside. Tonight when we were in Ramstein I was noticing not only the babies but all of these pregnant ladies that look like they are due anytime and was thinking back to where I was a year ago. I was done and huge and hot and swollen. All I wanted was for it to be time for Jack to be here. Now I remember the sweet things like what it was like to feel him move around in me. I don’t want to be pregnant again, but I am kind of sad I will never have those feeling again, or never have that new baby to snuggle up to me and think I am the whole world. Or smell that sweet smell of my new baby. No baby smells quite the same as your own baby. I am gonna chalk all these crazy notions up to Jack turning one! I am sure that I am just sad that my last baby, my baby boy, is moving on and going to become a toddler! A few more weeks and I will be the mom of a preschooler and a toddler. Seems like not long ago I was reading that first pregnancy test and wondering if I should tell Branden before or after our planned motorcycle ride that we were going to be parents (for the record I woke him up before and his first comment was we were still going on our ride that day! lol).

I love my kids and I love being Mommy, I am sure this will not be the last time that I have these feelings. They are gonna keep growing no matter what I do and we will keep “graduating” to those next steps. I am sure I will be a little sad for every step we leave behind. But for now I am more curious about the little people who are just coming into themselves. And if right now is a preview of what we have coming… well I have two very funny and very independent little people on my hands, I am sure I will never have a dull moment!

Published in: on June 17, 2011 at 7:06 pm  Leave a Comment  

other blogs….

For awhile I think I may have been obsessed with all the other blogs I followed! I would get online every night and check them all before I went to bed to see if there were any new and interesting posts. Then life just kind of happened and I did not have time to do that anymore. About the same time I quit always looking at other blogs, I also ran out of ideas for this one. I just didn’t know what to write about anymore and the blogs didn’t just form in my head as the day went on. Well tonight I was sitting here, bored of Facebook and bored with the baby center site. I decided that it was time I checked out all my subscriptions to blogs again. You know what?? I missed A LOT! Not only a lot of interesting blogs and interesting ideas for me to write about, but I realized that I missed my “friends”. Yes I know that I have never, ever met these people and I know that they do not know that I exist. But when you are reading about their lives daily and about their children and all their trials and tribulations. Or you read their thoughts of the day, well you start to feel like you know them maybe just a little bit. I loved looking through them after months and seeing how much their kids have grown! Or looking at the one of the baby with cancer and seeing how well she is doing, for a long time she really had a piece of my heart. I am happy to see that she is thriving and adjusting to her new life of chemo and lots and lots of hospital visits and dr visits. I still hope that she can be “cured” and I will continue checking in on her as long as her mommy and daddy continue to update us! It is funny the attachment you kind of start to feel to people you have never meant and never will meet. I wonder if I make that difference. I do not have the reader base that some of these others have. And usually it is just my friends that read this. But what if someone I don’t know just stumbles across this…. has any of my posts made them feel part of my family? Has any of my posts made them want to come back in and check up on us occasionally? I hope that answer is yes, to me that means that I have the ability to not just put my feelings in words on a computer, but also to maybe make some one else feel them also. That to me is amazing. I have a friend who blogs and I absolutely love reading her stuff. The reason why….. ??? Well it is because she is so talented at putting the story so I feel like I am there. I love reading about her kids and seeing pics of them grow, I feel like I am part of it. The stories she tells about her life, I feel like I can totally relate to how she was feeling. I strive to be able to write like she does! (Jennie you know I am talking about you!! :>) )

Basically my whole point of this tonight was that going back and reading those made me feel good. It is something I will have to make a point of doing again. I don’t know why I put so much effort into things like Facebook or baby center…. reading all the blogs is much more enjoyable! And maybe, just maybe by reading all of those, I will start to get ideas for here again. My blog is a little neglected and seems to need some TLC! I hope to see you all much more! 🙂

**  I did read through this after I posted it, I noticed my spelling errors and grammar errors. I was going to correct them and then I thought… naw…. it is me right now. I am a tired momma. Sometimes writing and talking incorrectly are the only things my brain can do at that time. So I left it. But I did want to say…. I really am not that dumb, but I am that tired! lol

Published in: on June 11, 2011 at 8:43 pm  Comments (2)